Friday, January 30, 2004

Hubby's feeling neglected...

The other day, 9 nine month old Mikro was climbing all over me on the couch, when he paused and put his head down on my belly, in such a way that it looked like he was listening to it...

Kev: Watcha doing listening to mommy's belly, Mikro? There's no baby in there yet.

Me: Yet?!? What, you want another one? (Thinking: Whoa, no way, not till the Boy is at least 3 or 4, and not likely even then!)

Kev: At least that way I know I'd get to have sex at least one more time before I die!

Me: Argh.

Let's just say that between breastfeeding the world champion twiddler and a host of horrendously triggering stuff going on in my life that has me borederline insane, getting amorous ain't exactly high on my list at the moment. Poor Kev.

And even without the baby, since the Accident, between pain and PTSD, he doesn't get a whole lotta lovin'.

He was seriously disappointed -- no, actually, pissed-- that we managed to conceive Mikro on the first shot (and yes, I knew exactly when to do the deed with the most probability of success, which he resents somewhat) because he got gypped out of the fun of going on trying... Me, I was just thrilled that it was so easy to get pregnant in our late thirties, because I know alot of other couples, some younger than us, who have not had such an easy time of it...

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

New Sketches

BTW, I have some new sketches posted on Brushstrokes & Breastmilk.

Whole Lotta Teethin' Goin' On

He's sprouted two new teeth, flanking the bottom middle ones, and thereare all sorts of bumpies in his mouth. It seems like the majority of his teeth are all coming in at once. He is in turns sweet and adorable, then cranky and demanding and miserable.

I haven't been able to sit at the computer for over a week because my back and neck have been horrendously painful. I've been pretty much flat on my back, except for nursing the Boy. Sometimes I just had topick him up, which set my back off again, so its been a vicious cycle of pain, rest, mama agravates her back, more pain, etc. This is what I was afraid of-- the reason I put off having a baby for so long. I truly am not physically well equiped to keep lifting a 19 pounder...

Yes, he's 19 lbs., 3 oz. and 28.5 inches tall and his head is 17 inches around. He's way more interested in cruising and crawling than nursing or eating at the moment, though he absolutely adores yogurt.

He had his nine month well baby visit last week, and all is well, except his bloodwork came up a bit hinky on leukocytes, which the pediatrician said could be due to allergies or a cold, both of which he is just getting over... I am worried, though the doc said not to be... Trying not to, but I have an anxiety disorder. Panic is what I seem to be good at.

Anyway, I am not going to risk sitting much longer, because my back and neck are starting to remind me of what will happen if I overdo it... I have alot of catching up to do, online and off. My house is a total mess, and if I can't at least straighten up a bit soon, I will go stark raving mad from the claustrophobia of being surrounded by all our stuff...

Thank You, HaloScan!

For picking up the comments for all previous Blogspeak users after Blogspeak encountered hosting problems and the comments went kaputt. I finally got the problem fixed. Yeehah!

Now maybe I'll feel more like blogging.

Actually, things have just been insane here, and I haven't had time or the physical ability to sit at the computer...

More on that later. I have one other blog to fix... And a hungry baby who wants my immediate attention.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Further Doggie Depradation

My dear dog has now added to the tally of destruction: one full sized mattress. Argh! She has to be the most expensive free dog ever!

Friday, January 16, 2004

Mommy Meetup

Today I met some online friends from my mommy boards in real life. I had a wonderful time and met three cool women and their adorable little boys. Mikro was really well behaved, which was a relief! Uh oh, the little guy just woke up, and he's cranky as all get out. Maybe he got a little too much sensory input... I better go get him out of the swing before he starts to really yell!

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

A Portrait of Mikro

New on my art blog, Brushstrokes & Breastmilk: my latest attempt at a portrait of Mikro, in India Ink.

In Which I Finally Win One

It seems like, ever since my accident, all I have learned are lessons in getting screwed over, at least in terms of anything relating to the accident. The lawsuit drags on, and the bad guys have used it to torture me for many years now, adding insult to injury as often as they can get away with it. My employer screwed me out of worker's compensation. My private disability insurance company told me I was not badly enough injured to collect, and we couldn't afford to keep paying premiums on something that was, essentialy, useless (turns out I should have fought them, but I was all fought out at the time...), so we cancelled my policy. There's more, but it just makes me angry to think about it.

Today, at long last, something finally went right, and after an appeal, I got approved for SSDI.

Which means that, with my benefits, we may actually be able to make it through a month without dipping into savings or sliding further into debt.


It is good to know that, every once in a while, the system works...

Monday, January 12, 2004


When I was pregnant with Mikro, the sight, smell, or taste of sugar would have me puking up my guts and peeing my pants. I cannot tell you how many times I stood in a puddle of pee, looking at my half-digested most recent meal. Nearly everything made me barf, but sugar was a special brand of hellish.

So, for ten months, I ate nothing with refined sugar.

I gained a grand total of five pounds while having an 8 pound baby.

Two days post partum I was back in my favorite pair of blue jeans.

A week post partum it occurred to me that I could eat sugar again without hurling.

So, now those favorite jeans are tight, because I seriously overindulged my sugar deprived taste buds.

I was fat to begin with...

Ten years of being in chronic pain will do that to you. Especially if, like me, you eat when you are depressed.

The Hey-I'm-no-longer-nauseaous sugar binging has got to stop. I can't afford to get any bigger. I have enough health issues already.

So, this week, our grocery shopping list got majorly reworked, and the cookies and donuts and poptarts got replaced with:

  • celery & carrot sticks
  • broccoli and cauliflower with lowfat ranch dressing dip
  • tofu laden frozen entrees
  • almonds
  • walnuts
  • roasted soybeans
  • apples
  • yogurt
  • eggbeaters
  • plantains
  • canned sliced pineapple, peaches and pears

I am actually eating decent food, like I did while I was pregnant, and amazingly enough, I am not constantly snacking and feeling like I am starving, like I have been on the sugary stuff.

Maybe this will be easier to stick with than I thought. I feel more awake, and alot better about what I'm doing. I just hope I can keep it up.

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Like A Rolling Stone

Kev's buddy J gave us the Rolling Stones' Four Flicks DVD collection for Christmas, and we are watching it. The Stones are my favorite band. Looks like Mikro shares my taste. He crawls to the TV stand, pulls up, and dances with Mick, though his true favorite seems to be Keith, LOL.

Four Teeth

Mikro's fourth tooth is in! He now has all of his front teeth.

And I, thank goodness, seem to have a nose that is working normally.

I took Nyquil last night, and woke up feeling so much better.

Mikro was in bed from 1230 am till 1130 this morning. Of course, he woke and nursed often, but I managed to get so much more sllep than usual. (Thanks probably to the Nyquil...) So I feel halfway human today, and the Boy is happy and peppy and bouncing off the walls.

Today we're having a heat wave-- it's 23 degrees.

Unfortunately, still too cold to be out and about with Mikro.

C'mon Spring!

Saturday, January 10, 2004


Could it be that standing outside in the frigid weather in a Tshirt was a truly bad idea and accounts for my current state? Stupid, stupid woman.

I really hope its allergies. Sigh.

Cutting Off Your Nose to Respite Your Face...

Ugh. My allergies are out of control.

My nose is dripping like a faucet, and my eyes are watering. It looks like I am crying. I have blown my stupid nose so much that it's scarlet, and chapped, and painfully burning. Just put some of the vaseline I use on Mikro's butt on it...

I have no idea how I will attempt sleep without drowning.

I keep wishing I could stick a vacuum cleaner keyboard cleaning attachment up my nose and suck all the yuck out and be done with it already. Or that I could simply unscrew the offending appendage and store it in a jar till it is good and done with its newest tricks...

Since Mikro is breastfed, I don't dare take any medication that might actually stem the nasal tide... Miserable. Just plain miserable.

I pray I am right that its just my usual allergies tuned up a notch, and not the beginnings of some horrible plague I am going to pass on to the Boy. He's nearly nine months old, and so far he's only had one very mild cold, right after Christmas, which he already seems recovered from. But then, I had the same cold, slightly worse, felt better for a couple of days, and now resemble a freaking fountain... Who knows? Please please please just be my wretched allergies. At least then it's just my problem...

Friday, January 09, 2004

Winter Novelties

I guess that's what you could call having your eyebrows freeze. This morning I let the dogs out right after I showered, and my wet bangs were dripping on my eyebrows, which promptly froze solid. I also got the sensation of an ice cream headache from the outside in, because my wet hair was cold! (Amazingly, I did wear my coat this time...) They are talking about -25 degrees today, with windchill. That is really a rarity here. The actual temperature rarely drops below zero, and the windchill nearly never gets worse than negative single digits...

I feel really sorry for my poor little diabetic dog, who is half bald at this point. She had a spell where her insulin dosage needed regulating, and most of her hair fell out. The vet says it's a three month cycle for hair to grow back in... In the meantime, she looks really strange, and she must be freezing her butt off. I can't find any of her doggie sweaters, either. Poor old dog.

My big dog is in the metaphorical dog house today, because she growled at the little dog. It's strange-- whenever the big dog goes into heat, she gets agressive with the little one. So at the moment, because of the growling and the eating of bed linens, she is wearing a muzzle. It's one that she can eat and drink while wearing, but I still hate making her wear it. But I would hate even more subjecting the diabetic dog to a bad bite, and the uncertain wound healing powers that go along with her condition... So, my big girl is acting contrite, and will probably be freed once she shows me a few hours of good behavior.

[I am sure someone is going to ask why the big dog isn't spayed... First, she's an inside dog (as all my dogs have always been), and isn't allowed to roam free. Second, spaying is major abdominal surgery. I fix the males in my menagerie, for whom the surgery is far less risky. My females are all intact. I have had animals all my life (38 years now), and never had one turn up pregnant, so PC or not, I believe my position to be sound and responsible. ]

I ordered sheets to replace the ones bizarrodog has eaten. I've decided to redo the master bedroom in a Key West (one of the places I got the biggest jolt of artistic inspiration from and which I dream of living in one day, at least during the winters) theme- palm trees galore, sunset colors on the walls, airy, breezy light curtains, etc. I lust after the ridiculously expensive palm tree shaped floor and table lamps at Domestications online catalog... But there is no way I can justify the expense... Maybe if hubby is generous in sharing the tax refund...

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Arctic Temperatures

... do nothing to chill my cabin fever. It feels like years since I've been outside for more than three minutes. That is the sad sum total time I give my poor dogs to relieve themselves in the yard while while I'm standing outside in single digit temperatures (and with the windchills, those single digits have a minus sign in front of them) in baby-barf-stained Tshirt, sweatpants, and sneakers without socks, one frozen hand clutching the baby monitor to one frozen ear, straining to hear if Mikro makes even the slightest peep. (And yes, this is what I do every day-- I just never think about putting on a coat until I've already been out there two minutes, and by then, the dogs are almost done, so why bother?)

I am agoraphobic, to a mild degree. I generally would rather be home than anywhere else, because here my baseline level of anxiety is not as overwhelming as elsewhere... but even for hermit me, there comes a time when claustrophobia and agoraphobia have a fistfight, and claustrophobia wins...

I need to get out of here, at least for an hour or so, before I actually start to believe the walls are closing in on me ala trash compactor in Star Wars...

But it's too damn cold to take the baby out. Catch 22. I am about to start climbing the walls...

Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Left on Hubby's Voice Mail:

Beware of German Shepherds shitting blue circles. The miserable rotten fucking dog has just eaten a frisbee sized (or maybe bigger) hole in the freaking sheet the baby barfed on!

Apparently it goes on in like vein for some time.

Kev calls me and says: Do you have any idea of the weird shit you will say to an answering machine?

Didn't even remember doing it....

So then I go to gather up the rest of the laundry and find the foul canine fiend has also chewed through the couch cover that the baby barfed on last night. Add this to the drawerful of venitated onesies, and you will have an idea how pissed off I am at the dog right about now.

Oh, yeah, and I completely forgot about the several newly crotchless panties she gave me last week. She actually selectively retrieves these things from the hamper and ingests them. My yard is full of cloth remnants that have been pooped out.

My dog needs a therapist. Or a muzzle.

I need a day on a beach somewhere where the water is turquoise...

Dream on!

At the very least, I need new sheets...

Monday, January 05, 2004

Happy New Year!

Wishing everyone a belated Happy New Year! I can't believe how long it has been since I blogged.

I'm just getting over a nasty cold that I caught from my parents, when they came up to visit us the weekend after Christmas. Major sore throat, and snotty nose. I am so exhausted that my body craves sleep. All I've been taking for this are herbal tea and the occassional swig of Nyquil at night... But it seems to be getting better.

Today Mikro actually napped. Rather than do something constructive, like continue our frantic baby proofing, or do the piles of laundry, I instead leapt at the chance to get on the computer for the first time since Christmas day and catch up on my blog buddies. My blog roll is, as hubby says, freaking ridiculous long, but I have gotten about three quarters of the way through. Thank you, sleepy baby boy.

Yesterday was errand day. Did the grocery shopping, ate lunch out at the local family friendly Italian restaurant, and picked up three pairs of jeans for Mikro at Goodwill for four bucks. I can't believe he has actually outgrown all his jeans... He's 8 and a half months old now, and wearing 12 to 18 month sizes.

Saturday was fun-- we had a visit from Kev's sister, her hubby and kids. Mikro has three girl cousins who dote on him. The girls are really sweet, and so smart!

Friday I was still fairly sick, and got a bit of a shock when my SIL called to ask what time tomorrow we expected them--er, we expected them Sunday, which made for a bit of frantic cleaning up, but worked out fine, because I had already cancelled my Saturday doctor's appointment due to my stupid cold. Had a bit of unnecessary drama when Mikro decided to fling himself off the bed while I attempted to clean up after changing a massively poopy diaper, but I managed, just barely, to catch him before he could hit the floor head first.

Thursday was New Year's Day, and Kev was home. I can't remember what we did-- I think we vegged out watching DVDs and eating takeout pizza.

Wednesday, New Year's Eve, Kev had to work. I was sick as a dog, and am lucky Mikro survived the day, because I was really groggy and out of it, and he was up to his usual Danger Boy antics... We called our parents early and were upstairs in bed, watching Jay Leno and trying to convince Mikro to sleep, when the ball dropped.

It seems really sad to say goodbye to 2003, because it was the Year of Mikro. He's growing up all too fast, and the changing year is just another reminder that my sweet baby won't be a baby much longer. Looking back over the passing year usually makes me depressed and unsatisfied, but this is the first year in ten that all I feel is quiet joy. I have my precious baby. All else pales in comparison, even my disability, which is usually what I am so busy regretting and being miserable about...

Tuesday was my first day of sniffles, and a major laundry effort.

Monday my Dad came up to pick up my Mom and see his grandson for Christmas. He was really impressed, since he hasn't been here in three months, and the boy is now a crawling, cruising little terror. Finally at the stage where my Dad isn't afraid he will break.

Mom came up Saturday afternoon and stayed through Monday. She is totally completely head over heels over her grandson, and they had fun together playing with all Mikro's Christmas loot. He is, however, inexplicably terrified of the Glo-worm. He cries hysterically when it goes off. Weird.

That's pretty much all we've been up to.

Kev just called me over because the Boy has developed some yucky discharge from one eye. It's not as bad as he made me think it was, but definitely something to watch. I'll probably squirt it with a little breastmilk tonight, and call the pediatrician if it doesn't improve in a couple of days... He's probably caught my cold, poor little man.