I have spent the last three days on the verge of a panic attack, which I wish would just come and get me already and get it the hell over with.
Not knowing what is making me this anxious really sucks. If I could figure out the trigger, I might be able to do something to shake it off. As it is, it's oppressive, and maddening, and it's making my chest hurt. I really hate this.
I probably made it worse yesterday by deciding to undertake a little Do It Yourself Therapy. I picked up The PTSD WORKBOOK and started going through it. Probably a pretty stupid thing to do when you are already hanging off the panic cliff by your fingertips...
Tomorrow is my Mom's 60th Birthday. Visiting her would entail taking the baby on a cummulative 8 hours of train rides. I just can't subject him (or anyone else) to that. So I won't see Mom for a major milestone birthday. Can you say GUILT TRIP? Mostly self imposed. I invited my parents to meet us at Central Park, which would be a two plus hour round trip for me, and a three hour round trip for them. It's meeting pretty much half way. I offered to take them to the zoo and buy everyone lunch or dinner. They declined. They are afraid of terrorists. Which pretty much means they are letting the bastards win, if you ask me.
Anyway, I smell baby poop. Gotta go.
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