Intro

OK, so I'm losing my bloginity...

Not sure yet where this will be going, but here's an intro:

I'm 37, female, disabled after a bad accident with chronic pain and post traumatic stress. I used to be the consumate yuppie jerk, but getting hurt forced me to slow down, and look at life. While in many ways I am far more fucked up than before the accident, I am definitely a hell of a lot more self aware. Which I suppose is a good thing.

Anyway, I am an artist now (always was, but let my creativity die on the vine to pursue the brass ring of law firm partnership, till I got hurt and essentially written off by the snide bastards I had hoped to be partners with...) and I paint in a variety of mediums, though oil was my first and probably truest love. I have been exploring watercolors, which I find diffcult, but really interesting, because the technique is so different, and I really have to THINK about what I'm doing, which cross-pollinates my oil technique...

I also do ceramic sculpture and carve reliefs.

Just now I don't do a hell of a lot other than care for a three month old dictator who has taken over my life. Motherhood with disabilities is NOT easy, and worse than it has to be because the assorted medical professionals in my life have basically given me a choice:

breastfeed and give my son the best possible start in life

or

take my medication and at least take the edge off my physical and emotional pain.

At the moment, I am a medication-less basket case, having a hard time getting out of bed on days when the pain is at its worst.

I can't even use my service dog, because I essentially un-trained her while I was pregnant, because I couldn't stand the smell of her (my nose was hypersensitive, and seemingly directly connected to my stomach...) and right now I don't have the physical or emotional stamina to work her again and get her up to snuff.

So I am essentially just trying to survive my son's early days, eagerly awaiting the day he is ready for solid food. Which sucks, because I should be able to enjoy nursing him, but that's been pretty much taken away by the ass covering primary motivation of doctors and drug companies.

Sigh.

Why does life have to be made harder than it already is?