A Poem for Internet Bullies

I cede to you the field 

salted with the tears of the disillusioned,

the demonized and the downtrodden,

whom you presume to speak over

in your sanctimonious zeal.

May you reap  the enmity you  sow

while I cultivate a hedge 

of I-told-you-so.

TFMB Train Edition

I am sitting on a train, drifting off to sleep.  One of my favorite things to do on trains because I am a chronically sleep deprived insomniac.  15 minutes of quietly being rocked to sleep, and then comes the rude awakening. 

A family boards, with two small children, and naturally chooses to sit right behind me.  These are the new parents, the ones who believe in letting thei kids *express themselves* wherever, whenever, however, without guidance or correction when they deviate from social norms for particular locations.

Like allowing their progeny to howl like banshees a couple feet from other people's ears. Continuouly.  While they shout over their offspring and have a conversation I neither want nor need to be drafted into.

Hint, you entitled, insufferable, lazy pricks:

Manners do not invade your children like a parasite, crawling up through a breach in their skin to colonize their brains, producing adults who can recognize and emulate proper behavior.

No, manners need to be taught.  By parents who aren't so useless as to not deserve the name.

I pity your children.

You aren't even trying.

Meditation, Brooklyn Style

F*ck That!

TFMB Museum Edition

Why is it that people are permitted to wallow through the American Museum of Natural History with triple wide strollers, but a disabled person is denied entry for a rolling backpack?  I can't carry more than 15 lbs per doctor's orders, but the mommy brigade has more rights to access than I do?  Have y'all ever heard of the American withDisabilities Act?  I even offered to check the bag.  You told me to get lost.  And I'm a long term dues paying member.  Maybe not in the future, though.  Why should I support an institution that treats me like a second class citizen? 

My kid has anaphylactic allergies.  He carries allergy safe food.  So he doesn't die.  But he can be denied entry?  You aren't forcing us to patronize the overpriced cafe by saying he can't carry in lunch.  You're saying my kid has to go hungry because there is nothing safe and appropriate on your menu.  Thanks so much for the concern for his welfare. Not.

Today at the Met Breuer, we are with a group.  They are having class in the cafe.  All seats were taken.  My elderly disabled ass was prohibitted from carrying a chair over.

The greeter made me get up and took it away from me. 

Half an hour later, there's a teenager sitting in that chair right where I had been. 

Screw the disabled? Or is it the old?  Am I just not "cool" enough to deserve a chair to sit on so that I am not in pain?  Apparently the Met Breuer thinks so.

Dear petty little insitutional gatekeepers drunk on your imagined authority:

Thanks for making a life lived in constant pain suck more than it has to.  I wish you treble the disability I have to deal with and a third the compassion you showed me.

Homework for Life | Matthew Dicks | TEDxBerkshires

Good advice here.  And in his other videos.

TFMB Inductees: Umbrella Underoo and Ablebodied Assbag

Two total morons recently crashed into my life and were noteworthy enough to mention here for posterity.

It rained today, and I was not really surprised when using the restroom at a Big Bookstore Chain today when the occupant of the next stall started to set her umbrella down against the adjoining wall. However, when she subsequently decided to pick it up and intrude it so far into my stall that it was on my pants leg, I gave it a gentle push back in her direction. This cow did not take the hint. No, she lifted it higher and proceeded to poke around in my stall with it until she managed to put the drippy stanky thing *in my pants*! At which point I said "Excuse me, I do not need your umbrella in my underwear!" Her reaction? She leapt up and fled.

Boggle. WTF, woman?

Did someone drop you off here from outer space? Do you have no prior experience with public restrooms?

You sit in your little box and take care of your business. You do not intrude into the next little box, whether from under or over or any other possible point of entry. You do not speak to, or make contact with, the person next to you unless it is to ask for a few sheets of toilet paper. This is not social hour or show and tell, you freak.

It is certainly not an open invitation to place your parasol in my panties, your umbrella in my underwear, your regenshirm in my rump cover. What the hell were you thinking?

You are indeed a total fucking moron, and here is your award on the internet.

TFMB Inductee number 2 is the whack job who parked next to me in the crosshatches.

I have a disability plackard. The crosshatches are so mobility impaired people have room to get in and out of their vehicles.

Not so you only have to waddle three feet to pick up your take out order when it is ready.

And no, unlike standing in a no parking zone, it really doesn't matter that your entitled able bodied ass is *in* your vehicle while you are illegally parked in the cross hatches.

Your screaming at me when I told you as much, complete with profanity, obscenity and taking pictures of my registration, which I viewed as enough of a threat to call the cops on your stupid ass, do not magically entitle you to park there.

I hope the tickets that you reap with this asshattery bankrupt you and that karma bites you in your nasty ass.

TFMB Inductees: Umbrella Underoo and Ablebodied Assbag

Two total morons recently crashed into my life and were noteworthy enough to mention here for posterity.

It rained today, and I was not really surprised when using the restroom at a Big Bookstore Chain today when the occupant of the next stall started to set her umbrella down against the adjoining wall. However, when she subsequently decided to pick it up and intrude it so far into my stall that it was on my pants leg, I gave it a gentle push back in her direction. This cow did not take the hint. No, she lifted it higher and proceeded to poke around in my stall with it until she managed to put the drippy stanky thing *in my pants*! At which point I said "Excuse me, I do not need your umbrella in my underwear!" Her reaction? She leapt up and fled.

Boggle. WTF, woman?

Did someone drop you off here from outer space? Do you have no prior experience with public restrooms?

You sit in your little box and take care of your business. You do not intrude into the next little box, whether from under or over or any other possible point of entry. You do not speak to, or make contact with, the person next to you unless it is to ask for a few sheets of toilet paper. This is not social hour or show and tell, you freak.

It is certainly not an open invitation to place your parasol in my panties, you umbrella in my underwear, your regenshirm in my rump cover. What the hell were you thinking?

You are indeed a total fucking moron, and here is your award on the internet.

TFMB Inductee number 2 is the whack job who parked next to me in the crosshatches.

I have a disability plackard. The crosshatches are so mobility impaired people have room to get in and out of their vehicles.

Not so you only have to waddle three feet to pick up your take out order when it is ready.

And no, unlike standing in a no parking zone, it really doesn't matter that your entitled able bodied ass is *in* your vehicle while you are illegally parked in the cross hatches.

Your screaming at me when I told you as much, complete with profanity, obscenity and taking pictures of my registration, which I viewed as enough of a threat to call the cops on your stupid ass, do not magically entitle you to park there.

I hope the tickets that you reap with this asshattery bankrupt you and that karma bites you in your nasty ass.

McDonalds Throws Vegetarians Under The Bus

My dinner: an unsweetened ice tea. 

Thanks for the Flashback, McDonald's

I'm a vegetarian. Have been since I was 7.  A larger portion of my childhood than I care to remember was spent sitting watching my family gorge themselves on McDonald's carnivore exclusive menu while I sat sipping a milkshake in lieu of joining in and having a meal.

My family and friends have been eating at McD'S lately, and because they had mozzarella sticks on the menu, I didn't have to sit there with a growling stomach remembering the bad old days of being excluded as a kid.  Well, our local McD had chosen to throw me and all the other vegetarians under the bus by eliminating the only substantial food item on the menu we could eat.  (After also eliminating the asian salad, an offering that offered protein in the form of edamame and almonds, unlike the usual lettuce and tomato salads on the menu, there is nothing else in the way of lunch or dinner for the noncarnivore.) 

Needless to say, they've lost this family's business.  They've also suceeded in making me feel rejected and excluded, like the hungry little kid I used to be.

Thanks for nothing, McDonalds.

30 Days of Lists: Day 24: How to Make It a Better Day:

30 Days of Lists: Day 23: Things Other People Don't Know About Me Because They Have Not Asked:

30 Days of Lists: Day 22: Recent Dreams:

30 Days of Lists: Day 21: My Food Pyramid:

30 Days of Lists: Day 20: Things That Are Comforting Me This Week:

30 Days of Lists: Day 19: Qualities I Admire in Others:

30 Days of Lists: Day 18: I Ask For Help When:

30 Days of Lists: Day 17: Favorite Things About My Home:

30 Days of Lists: Day 16: Only ____ [Mocha] Knows:

30 Days of Lists: Day 15: In My Junk Drawer: